New Zealand's Finest Alt-Hardcore-Death-Trance-Jazz-Indie-Emo-HardHouse-Pop-Punk-Fusion

 

 

JETWANK IS...

Lead vocals - Matt G
Tambourine - Jackson
Lead Guitar - Matt W
Keys/Synth- Carl
Hot Bassist - Phil Fingers
Drums - Crazy Sam
Percussion artisté - James

 

JETWANK IS NOT:

These gel-douche's

Jetwank Bio

It is believed that Jetwank was discovered in June 1993 in a hut near Flaxmere. Jetwank originally but briefly employed the services of a pornographic saxophonist by the name of Don Robbins. Founding member Mad Matt G quickly combined various influences and talents of the group into a living firebreathing man dragoon.

Matty G was the son of a Preacher-Man from Gore, and is thought to have been conceived in a wild orgy at the towns churchyard. Matt's 18 brothers and sisters occasionally perform wailing orchestral backup for the band, especially on the bands more gospel-tinged 11th album "What Would Jetwank Do?". He has a voice which can placate a raging Exclusive Brethren, and provides a mentor-like figure for the bands younger members. In 1992 he defeated a Balrog atop Mt Taranaki before being cast down to the Ski Resort below. Years following this battle are ill-known to most, as Matt traveled the nation as a wandering minstrel.

On the path towards Auckland city, the band's tour-chariot picked up tortured concept artisté Mad Jackson, who introduced the band to the medium of interpretive dancé. This medium was quickly rejected in favor of a less gay method of communication. Namely ROCK.

The introduction of a slightly mustached man named Mad Phil Fingers, a classically trained cellist brought about a new influence for the band. Phil's Venetian training proved difficult to integrate into the overall sound of the group, but he was saved after becoming addicted to double bass. After receiving much torment over the unwieldiness of his gat, a mystical bass guru living atop a wooded knoll encouraged Phil to whittle his own proper bass from the stump of an enchanted kauri tree. This bass is said to give him mystical powers, including mind bullets. Sweet riffs followed.

Matt W the bands lead guitarist leads a double life. Hidden beneath a thin veneer of rock, lurks a dramatic art wank fanatic. Known for writing Jetwanks poorly conceived anthem "we are jetwank", his avant-garde stylings are often the source of much on-the-road mirth.

Mad Carl was found playing honky-tonk blues in a tavern close to Hamilton. Gracious Matt G saved him from this turgid hell hole, absorbing the troubled young vagabond into the bands complex mesh. His synth skills are equal to those of such Synth greats as Howlin' Mad Murphy and that Fag (from the Killers). Carl adds fuck all else to the band. Scratch.

Sam is the groups drummer, and as such is a skitz cunt.

 

 

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